The Fear.

We all have fears whether we admit it or not, and what I fear most is losing someone I love. No. Not breaking up. I will get over that shit with time. I am talking about when someone loses their life. No matter what you do, they cannot come back. That’s the thing that could break me.

A very close friend of mine lost her mother recently; I am still in disbelief, she doesn’t know it. It’s been a month now but it but it just won’t settle. The mother suffered a cardiac arrest and just like that, no second chances, she went to be with the Lord. My friend has probably accepted and moved on, or so it seems, but the day she called me up with the news keeps replaying in my head. Like a bad dream. In the blink of an eye she was gone.

Light a candle for a fallen Soldier.

I probably cry a lot more than most adults but it helps me deal with the things I’m going through, I can’t help it but I feel way better when I’m done. That’s just how I am. My friend on the other hand hardly sheds a tear. The entire time I have known her, I don’t remember a single day she cried, but I remember several times she was so mad she trembled. So the day I pick her call and she is sobbing uncontrollably, it had to be something real bad. She is a strong one. She managed to tell me in one sentence.

I don’t like it when my friends cry. This time my friend wasn’t crying because of a bully. Or some guy who broke her heart. It was beyond everything I could do. When I went over to her place, we talked about the crazy things we did in the past and all the reminiscing we could. I didn’t know how else to comfort than to divert thoughts. Everything was different on the burial day. It is the saddest of all because you are saying goodbye indefinitely and all you will remain with are memories. And photographs. That’s when you know for real nothing will ever be the same again and you better start believing.

Recently I had a scare. We had gone out with a few friends and when the night was done we went to sleep over at our other friend. I tucked my friend on the couch because that’s where she blacked out. On the next morning I couldn’t find her on the couch, but in another room. That wasn’t bad; at least she didn’t run out of the house or something.

I tried waking her up on several attempts but she couldn’t move. Are you thinking what I was thinking? I thought she had died. Her body wasn’t as warm so I thought she must have died a few hours ago. I shook her again, panicking, tears gushing, head spinning, this time desperately than before, and she pulled up her covers weakly. She was alive!!!!!!  I asked her to wake up and slap me because I wanted the reassurance. She probably thought I was being dumb but I really needed her to punch me real hard. I ended up slaving for her that entire day, and a few days just to show her how much I adored her thinking of how bad I would’ve craved that if at all I lost her.

Well, we are all mortal beings. I mean human-beings, (If God is reading this blog too id be thrilled, please drop a comment below, or just share with the angels, thanks.) If and when we lose people dear to us may God give us the strength to carry on and may He comfort us. It is a fear we can’t run from, but must be prepared to face. My condolences to all of you who have lost loved ones, now or far in the past. If you love the people in your life let them know that for sure because you could blink and the are no more and you’ll wish you told them that a lot more.

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