This far the love search has brought us.

Just because you are using the incognito window to access the internet doesn’t mean you can hide from Google.  Well, you might be safe from your ever micro-managing boss or your nosy browser history CID but Google analytics is the ultimate internet lie detector whether you clean up your browsing history as much as you breathe or set the computer on fire.

this far post

The seriousness that was.

Every year google puts out the list of the most googled information according to regions and different categories. I’d like to start with the Love and Relationship segment in Kenya. From the look of things, the men have had a field day with the girl’s right from the beginning of getting the girl only up to engaging. The missing piece of the puzzle for the girls is how to make him stay. Here’s my two cents:

  1. How to date a girl: It is pretty obvious it is the men that look this up. It might be the girls that are doing the research to hint to their boyfriends who do not have a shred of intuition neither are they mind readers. This is a dance around the same bush of investing time and effort in the right person. Begin with friendship and don’t bombard her with too much too soon and make it clear through your actions that you want more than getting into her pants.


  1. How to use a condom: Thank goodness people use condoms to begin with or at least they want to know how to. Maybe it is the teenagers looking this one up after Uhuru decided to make condoms available to them. Or perhaps it was someone standing by Waiguru’s condom dispenser at her office. Who knows, people want to stay safe and hopefully the number of unwanted pregnancies will go down.


  1. How to get a girlfriend: The world can be sad and lonely at times, you walk around and all you see are happy couples and sadder singles than Mona Lisa’s portrait. With the cold season closely followed by the harsh el-nino rains, someone surely longed for some company. It all boils down to the kind of woman you would like to date, and where you are likely to meet her. Be open and have fun with the chase.


  1. How to increase fertility: This one is a mystery to me and a cloudy mist hanging around it. I will not quack my way around this but I hope you grow more fertile next year, all the best in cultivating it.


  1. How to start a conversation with a girl: Girls might have problems but it think this one is hardest for the boys. If you are across the room, smile. If she smiles back there is your cue. Start with introductions, likes and dislikes. Be careful not to ask too much she might mistake you for a serial killer. If you have her number, call her and ask to see her. Take her out on a date. Don’t just whatsapp her for a week then ask her to move in!!


  1. How to tell a girl you love her: It warms my heart to know that some boy somewhere loved a girl but didn’t know how to tell her. Honestly though, it is not entirely rocket science. Just tell her you love her and you would like for her to be your girlfriend. Or the other way round.


  1. How to impress a girl: Too sad if she doesn’t speak with you yet, then this is definitely going to be a game of chess. You can’t buy her anything because you just might freak her out. If you talk, you better be nurturing your art of reading minds. Listen to the things she hints about when you are together and what she marvels at. Pick things from your conversations. Her eyes will glow whenever she talks about some things and right there is your answer.


  1. How to talk to a girl: I am glad someone took time to look this up because with the rude approach men take these days, I would be sure to tell you the dating scene is going down the spiral towards a horrendous mess. Be polite, listen, and show interest in knowing more about her without being a dumb bloke!!!


  1. How to flirt: There is a thin line between flirting, cockiness and utter nonsense. Don’t be the idiot who erased them. You could easily have yourself going back to the drawing board which could be the Google tab for you or a few book marks.


  1. How to make him fall in love with you: If you know anything about love then you know what chemistry is about and no, it is not a mixture made in the lab. It comes naturally. He either loves you or he doesn’t. Love doesn’t sit on the fence. He can’t be tricked or blackmailed into it either. I am hoping with the beginning of a new year there will be more people falling head over heels in love with each other and hopefully propose in the dreamy mountains as the sun rises and that you live happily ever after.


This post is the raw version of a published article by myself on The Standard newspaper, Pulse pull-out on Friday December 25th 2015.


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