As the month of love comes to a close and the Monday evening of the months comes to an end, we wish January was as short as February but at the same time panic at the fact that this year could fly by like the past five. It was 2010 the other day but now we are inching closer to 2020. Then there is the recycling of resolutions that it is starting to look like a game, as you realize you have fallen back on most, if not all by now. I digress.
The density of savagery online is deepening by the day, adding on to the already existing entertainment.
So this woman (X) tweeted: My goal in a relationship is to make my boyfriend a better person, keep him out of trouble and show him things about himself he never realized.
In response (Y) tweeted: My goal is to find a man after he has gone through a woman like you.
Which got me thinking, yes, both situations exist but what about the time and emotions invested? Is it fair,is it supposed to be fair?What happens next? Of course you live, but who do you become after all this is over?
As time flies there is someone whose time is wasting away or being wasted by a significant other, boyfriend, girlfriend or whatever you call yours. A game that you don’t know if you are a player or being played.
They met 15 years ago in school. She did not notice him at first because she had a lot of studying to do and he was the cheeky one, somewhat annoying. They went to different high schools, met during a ‘funkie’ and became the best of friends over time. Later on, they dated for a very long time. Through campus for a total of 8 years. That’s how this friendship thing goes sometimes.
Some things are quite natural you know, like how the two of you spend time in each other’s house that you end up moving in. Wrong move. Of course it sounds exciting at first but from the tales I have heard, no one has had a great experience from it. It goes either of two ways; come we stay or a horrid breakup. Almost morbid. But it happens in the game. There are those 3% lucky ones that walk down the aisle.
Now that they both had a few coins and could afford a trip out of town once in a while, she started hinting on marriage. When you start budgeting for wedding committees and wondering what to wear to weddings, it can start to feel like pressure. Especially for ladies, that is if you have a man you’ve dated long enough. The other single ones just form a whatsapp group and laugh at memes.
Thing is, he had become so comfortable, she was basically mothering him. Blew off his salary on things that were short term. While she bought clothes and fed him with her almost non-existent salary, “I am grooming my man” was her argument. Sometimes she paid the rent. He wasn’t the same as he was when they met but at 7 years down the line you will notice when someone stagnates and your directions change. For the worse. She held on, she could groom him, she insisted.
I have heard that women mature faster than men, I do not know how true this is but hey. She was becoming a grown woman of course no longer thrilled with the nights out and all so she stayed home while he went out after work, one for the road, he would say, but stay up the whole night.
While she became “wifely” by staying home, he became otherwise by pursuing new interests. This particular girl who worked in the same building as he did. As you would expect, he abandoned his previous relationship for the new one. As she waited for the ring, he was strategizing on ending the relationship with the dumb, “you deserve better,” “it’s not you, it’s me,” I don’t want to hurt you,” bullshit. Men and boys please never use those words, ever. Do your research, google, expand your vocabulary, but don’t use the lame phrases.
They broke up and less than a year later, he was engaged. To the new flame. She had not even gotten over her!! She thought she would be the one that teaches him to be more. Best believe, if he does not want your teaching, he will never change unless the initiative comes from himself, if not then you are ploughing on dust.
These are the games people play, knowingly or unknowingly. Are you the player or are you being played? Keep your eyes open.