Games people play.

A broken heart heals. Carry on.

A broken heart heals regardless. Carry on.

As the month of love comes to a close and the Monday evening of the months comes to an end, Continue reading

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Dear Michelle

michelle-obama-the-verge3

Dear Michelle,

Or should I go with “Heeey Michelle?” A belated Happy birthday to you first of all. The 5th floor sure does look great on you. Let me get right into it. I thought being 8521 miles away from your extended reign, you would not have that much impact in my life as an individual. Until the day Continue reading

2015 year in Review: The interwebs

Just because you are using the incognito window to access the internet doesn’t mean you can hide. You might be safe from your ever micro-managing boss and your nosy girlfriend but Google analytics is the ultimate internet lie detector whether you clean up your browsing history as much as you breathe or burn the computer anyway.

flying rose petals

From the look of things, the men have had a field day with the girl’s right from the beginning of getting the girl only up to engaging. The missing piece of the puzzle for the girls stays on how to make him stay.

  1. How to date a girl: It is pretty obvious it is the men that look this up. It might be the girls that are doing the research to hint to their boyfriends who do not have a shred of intuition neither are they mind readers. This is a dance around the same bush of investing time and effort in the right person. Begin with friendship and don’t bombard her with too much too soon and make it clear through your actions that you want more than getting into her pants.

  2. How to use a condom: Thank goodness people use condoms to begin with or at least they want to know how to. Maybe it is the teenagers looking this one up after Uhuru decided to make condoms available to them. Or perhaps it was someone standing by Waiguru’s condom dispenser at her office. Who knows, people want to stay safe and hopefully the number of unwanted pregnancies has gone down this year.

  3. How to get a girlfriend: The world can be sad and lonely at times, you walk around and all you see are happy couples and sadder singles than Mona Lisa’s portrait. With the cold season closely followed by the harsh el-nino rains, someone surely longed for some company. It all boils down to the kind of woman you would like to date, and where you are likely to meet her. Be open and have fun with the chase.

  4. How to increase fertility: This one is a mystery to me and a cloudy mist hanging around it. I will not quack my way around this but I hope you  become more fertile, all the best in cultivating it.

  5. How to start a conversation with a girl: Girls might have problems but it think this one is hardest for the boys. If you are across the room, smile. If she smiles back there is your cue. Start with introductions, likes and dislikes. Be careful not to ask too much she might mistake you for a serial killer. If you have her number, call her and ask to see her. Take her out on a date. Don’t just whatsapp her for a week then ask her to move in!!

  6. How to tell a girl you love her: It warms my heart to know that some boy somewhere loved a girl but didn’t know how to tell her. Honestly though, it is not entirely rocket science. Just tell her you love her and you would like for her to be your girlfriend. Or the other way round.

  7. How to impress a girl: Too sad if she doesn’t speak with you yet, then this is definitely going to be a game of chess. You can’t buy her anything because you just might freak her out. If you talk, you better be nurturing your art of reading minds. Listen to the things she hints about when you are together and what she marvels at. Pick things from your conversations. Her eyes will glow whenever she talks about some things and right there is your answer.

  8. How to talk to a girl: I am glad someone took time to look this up because with the rude approach men take these days, I would be sure to tell you the dating scene is going down the spiral towards a horrendous mess. Be polite, listen, and show interest in knowing more about her without being a dumb bloke!!!

  9. How to flirt: There is a thin line between flirting, cockiness and utter nonsense. Don’t be the idiot skipping double dutch with them. You could easily have yourself going back to the drawing board which could be the Google tab for you or a few book marks.

  10. How to make him fall in love with you: If you know anything about love then you know what chemistry is about and no, it is not a mixture made in the lab. It comes naturally. He either loves you or he doesn’t. Love doesn’t sit on the fence. He can’t be tricked or blackmailed into it either.

I am hoping this year more people fall head over heels in love with each other and hopefully get engaged at a scenic venue at sunrise and live happily ever after.

This far the love search has brought us.

Just because you are using the incognito window to access the internet doesn’t mean you can hide from Google.  Well, you might be safe from your ever micro-managing boss or your nosy browser history CID but Google analytics is the ultimate internet lie detector whether you clean up your browsing history as much as you breathe or set the computer on fire.

this far post

The seriousness that was.

Every year google puts out the list of the most googled information according to regions and different categories. I’d like to start with the Love and Relationship segment in Kenya. From the look of things, the men have had a field day with the girl’s right from the beginning of getting the girl only up to engaging. The missing piece of the puzzle for the girls is how to make him stay. Here’s my two cents:

  1. How to date a girl: It is pretty obvious it is the men that look this up. It might be the girls that are doing the research to hint to their boyfriends who do not have a shred of intuition neither are they mind readers. This is a dance around the same bush of investing time and effort in the right person. Begin with friendship and don’t bombard her with too much too soon and make it clear through your actions that you want more than getting into her pants.

 

  1. How to use a condom: Thank goodness people use condoms to begin with or at least they want to know how to. Maybe it is the teenagers looking this one up after Uhuru decided to make condoms available to them. Or perhaps it was someone standing by Waiguru’s condom dispenser at her office. Who knows, people want to stay safe and hopefully the number of unwanted pregnancies will go down.

 

  1. How to get a girlfriend: The world can be sad and lonely at times, you walk around and all you see are happy couples and sadder singles than Mona Lisa’s portrait. With the cold season closely followed by the harsh el-nino rains, someone surely longed for some company. It all boils down to the kind of woman you would like to date, and where you are likely to meet her. Be open and have fun with the chase.

 

  1. How to increase fertility: This one is a mystery to me and a cloudy mist hanging around it. I will not quack my way around this but I hope you grow more fertile next year, all the best in cultivating it.

 

  1. How to start a conversation with a girl: Girls might have problems but it think this one is hardest for the boys. If you are across the room, smile. If she smiles back there is your cue. Start with introductions, likes and dislikes. Be careful not to ask too much she might mistake you for a serial killer. If you have her number, call her and ask to see her. Take her out on a date. Don’t just whatsapp her for a week then ask her to move in!!

 

  1. How to tell a girl you love her: It warms my heart to know that some boy somewhere loved a girl but didn’t know how to tell her. Honestly though, it is not entirely rocket science. Just tell her you love her and you would like for her to be your girlfriend. Or the other way round.

 

  1. How to impress a girl: Too sad if she doesn’t speak with you yet, then this is definitely going to be a game of chess. You can’t buy her anything because you just might freak her out. If you talk, you better be nurturing your art of reading minds. Listen to the things she hints about when you are together and what she marvels at. Pick things from your conversations. Her eyes will glow whenever she talks about some things and right there is your answer.

 

  1. How to talk to a girl: I am glad someone took time to look this up because with the rude approach men take these days, I would be sure to tell you the dating scene is going down the spiral towards a horrendous mess. Be polite, listen, and show interest in knowing more about her without being a dumb bloke!!!

 

  1. How to flirt: There is a thin line between flirting, cockiness and utter nonsense. Don’t be the idiot who erased them. You could easily have yourself going back to the drawing board which could be the Google tab for you or a few book marks.

 

  1. How to make him fall in love with you: If you know anything about love then you know what chemistry is about and no, it is not a mixture made in the lab. It comes naturally. He either loves you or he doesn’t. Love doesn’t sit on the fence. He can’t be tricked or blackmailed into it either. I am hoping with the beginning of a new year there will be more people falling head over heels in love with each other and hopefully propose in the dreamy mountains as the sun rises and that you live happily ever after.

 

This post is the raw version of a published article by myself on The Standard newspaper, Pulse pull-out on Friday December 25th 2015.

 

Beyond face value

Life is said to have no manual but I think it is a lie people in power tell us so that we don’t riot. Everywhere we turn there’s a sign telling us to TURN LEFT, DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS, PARK AT YOUR OWN RISK and so forth. For modern day “slavery” there are stacks of papers (carefully named contract instead of cuff, clever people those ones) with minute handwriting & written in Elizabethan English, you just might need the queen herself to interpret it for you leaving one with doubts of their English background.
I have always thought it is an aptitude test of sorts; to measure the level of commitment. Those invisible chains we bind ourselves to in exchange of money to pay bills. But the government, loan deductions and bills ends up taking almost all of it and we are right where we started. Point being, life as we know it is challenging enough. There is this you can’t do about that and you cannot do that about the other. I wonder who said I should have been born a person. What if I wanted to be a penguin and just swim for the better part of my life? Or a unicorn?

My brother will do the wiring, he gave his fair share of headaches. I will fix the settings mom. 😘

My brother will do the wiring, he gave his fair share of headaches. I will fix the settings mom. 😘 (Photo courtesy of jodilmilnerauthor.wordpress.com

I have once doubted if I was adopted because my mother and I lived like constantly brawling co-wives. We never had a normal conversation; it was either a fight or tense silence. Anything she said sounded like she was yelling even when I know very well my mother’s tone is not a soft one and the pitch of the people from my tribe doesn’t help. Then throw in involuntary eye rolling and that conversation changes from “you need to clean your room” to “I will disown you not regret one single bit. If your father comes for you I will disown him as well.” All the time we were at loggerheads I really doubted her parenting skills for sure. (I am sorry Mom, I love you)

//

#teenageproblems

Posted by Jo-Deon Koen on Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Looking back, the person I am is worth all the wrath.😅😅 I can confidently say my mother did a pretty good job at raising me and putting her foot down about so many things. I may not be exactly how she might have wanted me to turn out but I know for sure she had my best interests at heart. And she was right. The harsh high school I led taught me a thing or two about life. So have a few other experiences and encounters.

The Coca-Cola team rolled out the Billion reasons to believe in Africa campaign to encourage its community of consumers to believe in themselves with the hashtag #IamAreason attached to it. The reason they decided to go that particular way is because for one there are a billion people in Africa. If I am going to believe in myself and you do the same and we all jump on that vibe, there will be a billion reasons to believe in Africa which also represents unity and teamwork.
The rules and regulations that are put in place might look like people are trying to secretly enslave us in reverse or subjecting us to torture but really they mean well. That boss who is always on your neck means to toughen you up because they see a successor in you.
Not all who put you through “hell” mean to harm you, you need to trust others and let them be your support system selectively but cautiously. Be positive and choose to see the glass as half full; only then will you enjoy the moment. #BePositive #IamAReason let others #beAreasonToo
P.S
Below is what Olaf, a character from “Frozen” the movie, goes through due to lack of trust in his friend and seeing the glass half empty.

How men think in relationships.

Man rules at last a guy has taken the time to write this all down finally, the guys’ side of the story. (I must admit, it’s pretty good.) We always hear ‘the rules’ from the female side now here are the rules from the male side these are our rules! Please note. These are all numbered #1 on purpose!
1. Men are not mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we…
1. All men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings.. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say ‘nothing,’ we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or motor sports.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, i know, i have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping… pass this to as many men as you

Married or not… you should read this.

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”

 

Adapted from http://avmediastudio.com/blog/married-or-not-you-should-read-this/